Edgar slammed his fist hard on the brick wall, the punch was hard and his knuckles started bleeding. “I had it! I had enough of this!” He screamed to himself as he kicked over a trashcan. “I can’t stand having another year suffering of loneliness!” Kicking, screaming, and punching the walls, the rage was so intense that his rats stayed far away from him, afraid that he might accidentally kill one of them. Tears ran down his cheeks as he gave another hard punch on the wall. “Why?” He mumbled, “Why does this always happen to me? I… I thought I found someone I loved and they loved me… Everything was fine till now. She doesn’t see me as often as she use to and now she’s hanging around that snake! I thought I could be happy for once in my pathetic life!” He choked up on his words and wiped his tearful face. “Why? Why must I suffer? My heart is shattering and I can’t handle anymore pains. The scars, bruises, cuts, and now a broken heart. I… I don’t want to suffer. Not anymore. I want to be with my Master. I want to be with my Papa.” He sniffed. “I want to go! There is nothing for me anymore! I want to disappear forever!” Edgar grabbed one of his bottles from his coat and slammed it on the floor. He looked through the shards and grabbed the biggest and sharpest one. “Cecelia won’t miss me. She’s got that snake to be with her. She probably wouldn’t care. She doesn’t see me anymore, she got that dumb STUPID SNAKE AND I DON’T WANT TO SUFFER WITH A BROKEN HEART AND ALL THE OTHER PAINS I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERYDAY! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME! I’LL END MY PATHETIC LIFE RIGHT NOW SO EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY!!” He screamed and placed the shard on his neck.
Cecelia was actually able to leave Toshiaki’s airship for a little while and was heading her way back. Even if it was hard for her to just walk back onto that ship, knowing what she’s walking right back into. Cecelia walked right past one of the alleyways and moments later she heard screaming coming from it. She recognized the voice too. Cecelia stopped in her tracks and turned back to face the alleyway. It was Edgar. She heard his yelling get louder and when she did Cecelia ran down the alleyway. When Edgar came into sight she saw he was holding a piece of glass to his neck. “Edgar, no!” she yelled to him. Cecelia kept running up to him and just before he could slit his neck she grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand back. “W-What are you doing..?!”
Cecelia had been away from the ship longer than Nassor had expected. He was beginning to worry about her. Being a guardian for her meant keeping an eye on her, and she had a tendency to get herself into trouble. Nassor walked through the streets, scanning the town for the woman. Suddenly, he heard yelling in the alleyways. Nassor sprinted towards the yells, but as he approached it, he stopped. Peaking around the corner, he spotted Cecelia wrestling Edgar’s arm with the broken glass in his hand. He stood by, carefully inspecting the situation before getting involved. Nassor knew very well that Edgar felt negatively towards him. That much was certain. If he were to reveal himself, Edgar could accidentally harm Cecelia in an attempt to attack him.
“What does it look like I’m doing Cecelia!?” Edgar screamed as heavy tears ran down his face. “I’m going to end my suffering! All of it! I can’t stand it!” He wiggled his wrist around trying to loosen Cecelia’s grip. “Let go of my hand so I can make everyone happy! I’m unwanted! I never had a good life. Not when Master passed away. After his death I wanted to kill myself but when I saw one of the most beautiful thing I kept myself alive. S-suffering from the pain everyone including that weasel and snake… That one thing kept me alive. But now it’s gone. I have nothing to live for anymore. Please Cecelia.” He stared at Cecelia with his red watery eyes. “No one here wants me here. Every time I go to the public everyone either beats me or call me awful things.” He sighed and his voice started shaking, “I want to die. I want to go away. I am nothing but a worthless pile of fat and skin!”
Cecelia grew more and more upset the longer Edgar talked. She didn’t let go of his wrist when he tried to loosen her grip on him. Hearing everything Edgar had to say even made her eyes start to water slightly. “E-Edgar please don’t… I’d be devastated if you did this…”
“Devastated!” Edgar’s voice cracked. “You don’t see me as much as you use to! A-and when I try to find you to hopefully be with you… You’re with that snake!” Edgar pulled his arm away from Cecelia. “I know about you and Nassor… Holding hands… Dancing… Comforting him… And.. And I’m here alone, suffering all the time with NO ONE to comfort me! I had nightmares and no one was there to hold my hand! No one was there to comfort me! I suffered! I suffered through those sleepless nights alone! ” Edgar wiped the tears off his face so he could see but every time he cleared his face tears would drench his face. “Devastated,” Edgar mumbled, “You wouldn’t be devastated now that snake is in your life. If I killed myself you’d forget about me in a few days.”
“Edgar that is enough!” Nassor stepped out of the shadows, glaring at the man. He slowly walked towards the two, his brow lowered in disgust by what the man had said. “You claim to love her, and yet, you deny her words? It’s like you don’t know her at all…..” he taunted.
“I never came to see you because I couldn’t! I’ve been kept away in that damn ship I have to live on, Edgar..!” Cecelia grew quiet when Edgar mentioned knowing about her and Nassor. She couldn’t lie to him. And the last thing he needed was to be lied to, but that truth hurt him too much. Edgar’s last comment hit Cecelia harder than the others, “T-That’s not true, Edgar.. I-” Cecelia was cut off when Nassor stepped out. She turned to face him, worrying that him being here would only make Edgar feel worse.
Once Nassor entered the scene, Edgar snarled at him and pushed himself away from Cecelia. “Great, your boyfriend is here.” he scoffed as he curled himself into a ball. “What are you here for? Proving that Cecelia loves you more than me? Make out in front of me? My heart is crushed as it is! I… I…” Edgar paused then shouted at the top of his lungs, “I loved her too! I loved more than anything from this world… She was my world, my angel, my only hope…. Now… It’s gone. All gone to a snake like you that makes my live even more miserable.” Edgar covered his face and started bawling.
Cecelia looked at Edgar like she didn’t know who he was anymore at his comments towards Nassor when he first showed himself. Her heart sank when he confessed. Cecelia just stared at him speechless. She felt so sorry for Edgar being in the situation he was in, but he looking through a window and seeing what Nassor and Cecelia were put through is so much different than actually going through the things they had to take on. Nassor made her happy, and if he wasn’t on that ship she probably never would have been, even if Edgar was around.
Edgar lifted his head, his cheeks drenched from his tears. “You really do love him.” He mumbled, “Usually when a man confesses their love towards someone… They hug them and kiss them. I confessed a-and you sit there quietly. I guess all the silver chains and broaches means nothing to you then. All that hard work for making them worthless, right!? I bet you throw them away or sell them or give them to… To him!” He pointed at Nassor. “And all the visits worthless? A-and the times I try to set you free by dealing with the horrendous tortures from that snake and his whore! Completely a waste of time huh!?” Edgar leaned against the brick wall and stared at the shard. “Kartilla and Toshiaki was right… I am an ugly person that no one wants. I am rat shit to everyone! I am a pathetic excuse to be a human being!” He held onto the glass shard tightly, the blood from his hands dripped. “I… I stayed alive for this long for nothing. The pain… F-for nothing. Everything for nothing. The insult, the beating, abuse, and endless sleepless night all for nothing! You know what Cecelia!” He tossed the glass shard away and grabbed Cecelia’s parasol and pointed it at his forehead. “I know this is a cannon. A-and I want you to kill me. End my misery! Finished the job why don’t you. You already shattered my heart into a million peices, just kill me. KILL ME!!”
Nassor furrowed his eyebrows at the man. He ran up to Edgar and took a hold of the parasol. “I said that’s enough Edgar!” he yelled. Nassor had enough of his pity party. The man pulled the parasol away from Edgar’s forehead and grabbed him by the collar with his free hand. “Are you even listening to your own words? Have you not thought about how they are affecting Cecelia? If she killed you, she would be traumatized for the rest of her life, whether I am there to comfort her or not.” Nassor slightly shook the man, trying to get him to pay attention to his words. “I can tell you for a fact that she has kept every one of your gifts. Every single one of them! She cherishes them and cares for them dearly! Because they mean something to her!” His grip became tighter the more he spoke. He was enraged at this man. “If you think that she doesn’t care for you because of me then you are dead wrong! I can see in her eyes that she is still struggling to decide who she wants to be with…..” Nassor loosened his grip and looked at Cecelia. “….We should want to make her happy. It doesn’t matter who she chooses. If one of us were to leave, she would wilt and die…..she needs both of us.”
Edgar’s words broke Cecelia more and more with every comment. He didn’t understand, at all. She gasped when Edgar grabbed her parasol, and having him tell Cecelia to kill him broke her the most. The small tears in her eyes from hearing all of this started to roll down her face. Edgar wasn’t the same as she used to see him now. If he really did love her, then he’d respect her decisions. Just as Nassor said. Though she realized he was in too bad of a condition to do so. Cecelia took a step back when Nassor took the parasol from Edgar, watching him yell at Edgar. Nassor practically took the words right from her mouth. Cecelia was still too broken to speak and just nodded to confirm Nassor’s words.
Once Nassor grabbed his collar, Edgar’s emotion turned from anger to fear. As Nassor was shaking him, Edgar would wimper and flinch just incase Nassor was going to punch him any minute. He then looked at Cecelia, he saw the tears running down her cheeks. Edgar’s heart shattered even more. Listening to Nassor’s words, he started crying. Edgar pushed himself away once Nassor loosen his grip. He shivered and curled up into a ball. -Oh god…. I lost it. My angry self took over me! I hate it when my anger takes over me. I’m such a jerk sometimes.- He thought to himself. He shot a glare at both Cecelia and Nassor then covered his face. “I’m… I’m so sorry…”
Nassor couldn’t stand to look at Edgar for the moment. He turned to Cecelia and walked over to her. Placing one hand on her shoulder and the other on her face, he looked into her eyes. “Are you going to be alright?” He wiped away one of her tears before holding her tightly for a moment, assuring her that he was there for comfort. As he pulled away, he glanced over towards Edgar. “If you need to, go to him……do what you must.”
Cecelia saw that Edgar was sorry once he looked at her, he didn’t even have to say so. Cecelia looked up at Nassor and managed to speak up again, “I..I think so…” She took a deep breath when Nassor held her for a quick moment and after he pulled away she timidly walked over to Edgar. Though, as soon as she got near him she lost her words again. Cecelia honestly didn’t know where to start, so she just put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
When Cecelia touched his shoulder, she could feel him shivering. “I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say those things. It’s just… It’s just…” He choked up for a bit wiping his tears. “I just… I just have all these emotions going through me. A-and my anger took over me. My emotions and suffering caused me to go crazy. I’m sorry Cecelia,” He gently touched Cecelia’s hand that want on his shoulder. “Please forgive my actions. Please.”
After hearing his pleads for forgiveness, Nassor couldn’t help but feel a little pity for the man. He watched as the man teared up, thinking about ‘what if’s. If Cecelia had chosen Edgar, Nassor would most likely be in a similar state. It wasn’t fair to force Cecelia to make a decision like this. No one would be able to win. Not even Cecelia. No matter whom she chose, someone would end up with a broken heart, and she would have to live knowing that for the rest of her life. Nassor walked over to the two, face straight as stone. He knelt beside them both, laying his hand on Edgar’s shoulder as well. “For once, I truly understand what you are going through. The woman you love is taking interest in another……I’ve had to deal with that for a while now. With you. It nearly drove me insane, until I figured out a way to deal with my insanity…..in probably the worst way possible…..” He looked to Cecelia for a moment before gazing at the ground in shame. He had caused so much grief for selfish reasons.
Cecelia felt terrible for Edgar, and somewhat guilty. Her choosing Nassor over him wouldn’t help Edgar feel any better. “It… It’s okay, Edgar… I forgive you…” she said quietly while giving his shoulder a slight squeeze. Cecelia looked to Nassor when he walked over to them. Hearing him relate to Edgar the way he was doing so now seemed almost foreign. Cecelia sighed when Nassor confessed about dealing with his insanity. She looked back to Edgar, “Edgar.. I really don’t know what to say…. I feel terrible seeing you like this…”
Edgar flinched as Nassor touched him but sighed and turned his head away from them, “Don’t feel sorry for me. I… I’ll be fine. I… I want you, Cecelia, to be happy.” Edgar shoved one of his hands inside his coat pulled out a gold heart necklace that he was wear. With a quick pull the chain broke. ” I’ve tried to control my insanity… But a man like me who suffers every second of his life. It’s impossible.” He stretched out his arm showing her the heart necklace. “I want you to have this. I kept it around my neck for many years.” He stuck one of his nails on the side of the heart and opened it. It was revealed that a tiny picture of Cecelia was in it. “I want you to have it, to remember me. I use to hold that close to my heart and kissed it every night. It was something that made me have something to hope for.” He paused, tears ran down his cheeks. ” But… I don’t have any hope anymore. Take it and please remember me…… Please.”
Nassor’s eyes fell upon the locket. Not once would he ever had suspected Edgar wore such a trinket. A trinket with Cecelia’s portrait inside. As the man spoke the last sentence, Nassor looked him dead in the face. “Hmph….you make it sound as if you are never going to see her again.” His gaze turned towards Cecelia. “As if she is going to leave you for good. It may feel as if this is ‘good-bye’, but it is not the end…..” As much as he hated Edgar, Nassor hated seeing him in this state more. Mostly because he was hurting Cecelia as well. He stood to his feet, gazing down at the two as he folded his arms across his chest. “I have a deal for you Edgar. One that shall…..loosen the tension, as they say. Whether you take it or not is entirely up to you…..”
Cecelia’s eyes widened seeing her picture in the locket. Edgar was only making her feel more guilty about her decision. When he held the locket out to her Cecelia thought on denying to keep it, but his last ‘please’ changed her mind. She took the locket and looked back up at Edgar, “….I wasn’t going to forget about you in the first place, Edgar….” Cecelia looked at Nassor when he spoke up again. She didn’t know exactly what Nassor was planning on, but she prayed it would help Edgar. He could use any of the help he could get at this point.
Edgar looked down and sighed, “Well, Cecelia, you will forget about me. I mean once you are with your true love I’ll disappear from your memories for good and I’ll be just the deformed drunk homeless freak you met at a bar. I’ll become nothing.” Edgar sniffed and wrapped his arms around himself. He heard Nassor mentioned about a deal, Edgar didn’t know either to listen to it or ignore it. He lowered his head and sighed deeply, what is this deal Nassor was talking about? Would it cheer him up or would it break his heart any more? What ever it was Edgar lifted his head and stared at Nassor. “What is this deal you want, snake? It better not break my heart anymore! It’s already hanging by a small thin thread.”
“I find your lack of trust in me disheartening……” Without moving his head, Nassor’s eyes fell upon the man. “But as I said before, whether you take this deal of not it entirely up to you.” His voice was calm and assuring, with no ill intent. As much as he hated the rat, he would do what he could for him, for Cecelia’s sake, while keeping his hold on the woman. Nassor had finally gotten her heart. He wasn’t going to let her go unless she commanded him to. His head turned completely towards the two figures. “You say she shall forget you, because I am here. I shall make sure she visits you at least once a week, with no interruptions.” Suddenly, he raised his finger up. “But in return, you must live on. For her….” His eyes fell upon the woman, a look of endearment in them.
Cecelia looked back up at Nassor as he told Edgar his deal. It didn’t seem like a bad idea to her, but she hoped Edgar would feel that way too. As Nassor looked back over to Cecelia she looked at him for a moment before glancing back over to Edgar praying he’d accept the offer. She didn’t want to lose Edgar, because she did need both of them and having to pick one over the other was hard enough on her.